Short, but sweet

On a second attempt, I found that if you just run around and read all of the text, eventually you can disappear into the toilet. And, no, that's not a joke.

Next thing I know I'm on a ship out in the ocean. More running around in my skimpy outfit. I think my name is Eo, and I'm some sort of magic user or witch with red eyes, a pair of pistols, a laser sword and the bounciest pair of boobs this side of Hollywood. All of my friends have had the same augmentation as well it seems...as well as a love of wearing close to nothing on our bodies (not that I'm complaining).

Starting to get the hang of this game now, or is it really a movie? There's really not much to do in the "gaming" section other than run around, slice up mechanical bees (?) and evade the occasional laser beam or cave-in. The bulk of A-Ga are long, cutscenes typically of a sexual nature, and typically not the fun kind either.

Finally, a boss battle.
I'm fighting a robo-crab. The extent of the battle is: run around in a circle and button-mash as quickly as I can. I shoot fast. Crab shoots some bubbles. Crab dies. Yay.

More of this ensues although now I'm swimming in, what else, a skimpy bikini


Swim, swim, swim. Out of the water now. Run, run, run. Hmm, open door as other than traps there appears to be nothing of interest other than doors that open and doors that don't. Behind Door #2 is the next boss; some kind of space slug.

Strategy? Run around in a circle-strafe, avoid bubbles, and don't shoot when it spits some kind of shield out of its mouth. Space slug dies as quickly as robo-crab, although I have no idea why the slug is here, or why I came to kill it. Ahh, who cares? I'm sure there's a message here somewhere.

More cutscenes, although the content is getting worse, much worse. This "game" is not for the weak-hearted. I've watched rape, tentacle rape, S&M, bondage, and the fatal shooting of what I believe is my sister. The sounds consist of something squishy and the smacking of wood. Almost wishing that the cutscenes were shorter or fewer.

After a long scene in which the leader is gang-raped, she saves us from humiliation by apparently willing the bad-guys away while sneaking, cum-stained, over to the door's console. I run outside to blow up another robot, but get shot immediately afterwards by a guy with spiky hair and a bigger gun than mine.

Wheee. Highlight of the game so far is to sneak around in my undies as the third character: some kind of thief with long pony-tails. As the game is played in third-person, you have no other choice but to keep your eyes on your ass - literally and figuratively. Have to avoid the laser beams in the crawlspace (doesn't everyone have lasers up there?) while the screams and moans of even yet another female character being abused get louder.

Now there's cutscene after cutscene. These aren't as bad. I'm guessing that Eo is in a near-dead trance, and decides to come back and kick just a little more ass. There's a round room with an organ in the middle and doors on each side. Obviously you have to play the organ, but as I can't read the Japanese hints, I don't have a prayer of discerning the correct tune.

Thank God for the InterWeb and GameFaqs. I don't know what I did without them. Someone has thankfully posted a walkthrough and listed the sequence of notes to play. In the door to fight, what I assume, is the big foozle - the bad guy behind all of this raping and killing and raping.

Not surprisingly he has bandages covering his face except for one red eyes and a mouthful of fangs. If you've seen any Anime, he looks like any generic bad guy. Also, not surprisingly, I have to run around in circles and shoot him repeatedly in the shoulder, in the face, and into an amulet. Soon after, Foozle dies. Game doesn't end however.

I'll try my best to explain what happens next, even though it's pretty tough. That spiky haired guy returns and a fight ensues. I keep waiting to grab the joystick and get into the fight, but alas, the final battle of the game is once again nothing more than a cutscene. In the end, he gets his just desserts, laughs at his impending death, and then dies.

But then it gets weird. (yeah, only now, I hear ya). Friends start fading out like a bad signal, the ghost of my sister is explaining some crap in a very sorrowful tone, then she fades out too. Finally, the whole world, including Eo, crackles and fades to black as well. WTF?

Sit through credits with an upbeat song to find the answer. It was all just a VR acid-trip! Apparently the world got itself blown up sometime in the future, and one computer running a Virtual Reality simulation survived. I'm actually a girl in a war-torn city playing the simulation, which has reached its conclusion.

So, that's it. Quick game, even quicker if you skipped through the cutscenes. All total it might have taken 3-4 hours, tops. I'm not sure I'm better for having played it. As a final step, I check out the no-panties patch that I found for the barbie-doll genitals crowd out there. Yee-ha! This one's for you!